Call to God!
An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the world. So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to Orlando, thinking that he would start by working his way across the USA from South to North. On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read "$10,000 per call". The American, being intrigued, asked priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for. The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God. The American thanked the priest and went along his way.
Next stop was in Atlanta. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it. He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in Orlando and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was.She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 he could talk to God. O.K., thank you," said the American. He then travelled to Indianapolis, Washington DC, Philadelphia, Boston, and New York. In every church he saw the same golden telephone with the same "$10,000 per call" sign under it.
The American, upon leaving Vermont decided to travel to AUSTRALIA to see if Australians had the same phone. He arrived in Australia, and again, in the first church he entered, there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read "40 cents per call." The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign.
Father, I've travelled all over America and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but in the US the price was $10,000 per call. Why is it so cheap here?"
The priest smiled and answered, "You're in Australia now, mate - it's a local call".
Huh?
As I was entering Sydney international airport the other day, the Immigration Officer stopped me.
"Do you have a criminal record?" he asked. "I didn't know you still needed one," I quipped.
A Pack of Cards
Four Drovers are sitting around a campfire discussing what they'd want; if they were lost in the outback and were only allowed one thing. The first says, "I couldn't do without my trusty old horse. She could probably lead me to a homestead from the back o' Bourke."
The second says, "You can have your horse but I'd want my swag. If your gonna be lost you may as well sleep warm at night."
The third says, "There's no question. I'd want my old Queensland Heeler 'Blue'. He's my best mate and if I was gonna die out there I'd want him beside me."
The last old bushie says, "Only one thing I'd need -- a pack of cards.
See, I'd start playing patience and before long some bastard would be looking over my shoulder saying "Red Jack on Black Queen."
Emailed to me during the Sydney beach riots.
Dog Pack Attacks Croc In Northern Territory
At times nature can be cruel, but there is also a raw beauty,
and even a certain justice manifested within that cruelty.
The crocodile, one of the oldest and ultimate predators, normally considered the 'apex predator', can still fall victim to implemented 'team work' strategy, made possible due to the tight knit social structure and 'survival of the pack mentality' bred into the canines.
See the remarkable photograph below courtesy of Nature Magazine..
Note that the Alpha dog has a muzzle hold on the croc preventing it from breathing, while another dog has a hold on the tail to keep it from thrashing. The third dog attacks the soft underbelly of the croc.
Not for the squeamish... Click to see Picture
A Mexican, an Arab, and a hot gorgeous Aussie girl are in the same bar.
When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls
Out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In Mexico, our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink with the same one twice.'
The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In the Arab World, we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either.'
The Aussie girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it in one gulp, throws the glass into the air, whips out her 45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arab. Catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, she says,
'In Australia we have so many illegal immigrants that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice!'
' God Bless Australia!'
This 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting. When she went before the judge in Sydney he asked her, "What did you steal?"
She replied, "A can of peaches."
The judge then asked her why she had stolen the can of peaches, and she replied that she was hungry. And my husband wont give me extra money. The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can.
She replied, "6."
The judge said, "Then I will give you 6 days in jail."
Before the judge could conclude the trial, the woman's husband spoke up and asked the judge if he could say something.
The judge said, "What is it?"
The husband said, "She also stole a packet of hundred and thousands"